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The Importance of Routines
By Liza Asher
http://www.clubmom.com
At 8:30 p.m. at the Osborne
family house in Burlington, Vermont, an exemplary bedtime process is underway.
The three children are upstairs changing into their pajamas, brushing their
teeth, and settling into their beds to read. There is remarkably little protest
or variation. "Bedtime is the one area where our routine has not wavered," says
mom Eleanor. "Since the boys were toddlers, we've been doing the same thing, and
now it's automatic. This is usually the calmest period our day."
Regular schedules provide the
day with a framework that orders a young child's world. Although predictability
can be tedious for adults, children thrive on sameness and repetition. "Knowing
what to expect from relationships and activities helps children become more
confident," says Dr. Peter Gorski, assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard
Medical School in Cambridge, Massachussetts.
Routines begin from the first
days of life, says Susan Newman, a social psychologist in New Jersey, affecting
the relationship between parent and child, setting the stage for rocky or smooth
sailing as your child gets older. Babies, especially, need regular sleep and
meal schedules and even routines leading up to those activities (a story every
day before nap- or bedtime, for example).
As she gets older, when a child
knows what is going to happen and who is going to be there, it allows her to
think and feel more boldly and freely, Gorski adds. When a child does not know
what to expect, his internal alarms go off. Ultimately, parents benefit as well:
"Knowing what is expected cuts down on parenting struggles," says Jodi Mindell,
child psychologist and author of Sleeping through the Night
(HarperCollins).
Tips for Implementing
Routines
Plan regular mealtimes:
"It is so valuable to the developing spirit of children to have one meal
together each day as a family," Gorski says. Sitting together at the dinner
table gives children the opportunity to share their day's experience and get
support for whatever they're feeling. The emphasis is on togetherness, so if
your children need to eat earlier, at least give them dessert while you eat your
meal. This is also an ideal time to introduce routines that give children
responsibility, such as setting or clearing the table. Older children can be
pre-dinner helpers and washer-uppers.
Wind down before bed:
Consistent nightly rituals are soothing and take the battle out of bedtime. But
after an exhausting day, it's tempting to skip the preliminaries when bedtime
finally approaches. Don't, stresses Mindell: "About 20 to 30 minutes of calm,
soothing, and consistent activities get children ready." Find what works best
for your child—some children are revved up by a bath or fidgety when listening
to a story. Yours may prefer doing a puzzle together or listening to music. For
older children, bedtime is an ideal time for conversation. My 12-year-old son
likes me to sit on his bed and talk for a few minutes before he goes to
sleep.
In general, make the room
conducive for sleep. Set aside a time each week for room cleanup (another
important routine!), when your child puts away toys and books and you change the
linens.
Be consistent but
flexible: Routines are essential, but allow some room for flexibility.
Although the Osborne family thought their bedtime routine was a blessing, there
have been some problems recently. "I was completely rigid about my oldest son's
bedtime, and he is now incapable of veering from that routine. If we are out
later than his bedtime, he becomes upset," Eleanor says.
Unexpected events, like surprise
guests or errands that cannot be postponed, may result in a nap in the car seat
or a skipped meal. But if we react with frustration when this happens, our kids
will, too. Try to prepare your child ahead of time for the change and reassure
them that things will return to normal tomorrow.
Liza Asher
is a mother of four and writes on parenting issues for national magazines. She
lives in Montclair, New Jersey.
Copyright © 1999-2001 ClubMom,
Inc. All rights reserved.
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