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Raising a
Self-Sufficient Teen
by
Rachel Paxton - rachel@creativehomemaking.com
Teens
don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working with your
teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their
lives, then you're going to have your work cut out for you. Don't wait until
it's too late.
By the time your children are in high school, they should
be doing for themselves a lot of the things you've been doing for them all of
their lives. What does your teen do when they have a problem? Run to you? Or
try to solve his/her own problem, maybe coming to you for advice when they've
exhausted their own resources?
I don't know about you, but I want my
daughter to be self-sufficient when she heads off to college. I want her to be
able to choose her own friends, manage her own expenses, be up to the challenge
of solving everyday problems in an effective and positive manner, and generally
get her adult life off to a good start.
Sound difficult? Not if you
start out with the small things. My teen told me most of her friends don't even
know where their moms do their grocery shopping. I couldn't believe it. My
daughter is involved with planning our meals (it's in her interest if she wants
a say in what we're having to eat), and she goes to the grocery store with me
every single week and helps me mark each item off the list. She reads labels,
compares prices, and tells me when she thinks I'm spending too much money on
something. And why does she care how much money I spend you might ask? Because
our family's finances are tight, and she knows that any money we save at the
grocery store our family will be able to spend somewhere else. What a great
life lesson.
Because our family's finances are tight, my daughter has
also learned how to budget. She is not directly involved in our financial
planning, but she sees me making our budget and deciding the way we spend our
family's money. She knows that when more money than expected has to be spent in
a certain area, that something else has to give. She knows that money doesn't
grow on trees. She's started to budget her own money--tithing, spending some,
and saving some.
A lot of my daughter's friends wear expensive designer
clothes. She knows we can't afford to buy clothes like that for her, so we
frequent local thrift and clothing consignment stores, shop bargain sales, and
do a lot of yard sailing. Sure, I wish I could spend more money on her clothes,
but she still finds much of the same designer clothing her friends wear. Other
friends are jealous of the good buys she finds. When my daughter grows up part
of me hopes she can afford nicer things for herself. But deep down, I'm
grateful for the life lessons she's learning. Whether she has money or not, she
will never want for anything because she knows how to get by no matter what her
circumstances.
You might think your teen would think it a chore to go
grocery shopping and shopping for second-hand clothing. My daughter doesn't
look at it that way. Partly she's bored and wants to get out of the house, but
going through these daily routines together is much of the time we spend
together, hanging out and talking about other things on her mind. More than
half of the time we spend in deep discussion takes place in the car driving from
one place to another. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
I'm not
worried about whether or not my daughter is going to be able to take care of
herself when she goes off to college. I'm certain she'll be up to the
challenge.
A freshman in high school this year, she has four more years
to practice before she's on her own. She cooks dinner once a week or so, does
some of the laundry, and helps clean up after our pets keep the house clean. At
her age, homework is most important to us and that takes priority over other
things, so we don't overload her with chores, but my main concern is that she
knows HOW to do these things. Especially with something like cooking it takes
time to learn some of these skills. And if you don't have enough patience to
help them learn something like how to cook, then let them learn through trial
and error. Let them cook what they want to cook and let them even go buy
the
groceries to make it.
Let your teens schedule their own
appointments and make other phone calls you normally make for them. I think
everyone has a little fear of the phone at first, but after the first few times
they'll enjoy the responsibility they've earned.
And did you notice what
effect these changes will have on your life? Less responsibility and demands on
you! It's a little hard to let go at first and you might have to take baby
steps in handing over the reigns a little, but you'll be so proud of your teen
the first time they take initiative on their own. When they leave home you'll
worry less and know it was a job well done.
Rachel Paxton is a
freelance writer and mom who is the author of What's for Dinner?, an e-cookbook
containing more than 250 quick easy dinner ideas. For recipes, tips to organize
your home, home
decorating, crafts, and frugal family fun, visit Creative
Homemaking at http://www.creativehomemaking.com
and Suite 101 at
http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/creative_homemaking.
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