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Full Circle: the
Evolution of Mother-child Relationships
"Little children disturb your sleep;
big ones, your
life."
--Yiddish proverb
As a mother was tucking in her daughter for the night, the child reached
up for a hug. Locked in her mother's embrace, she whispered, "Mom…Do you love me
as much as I love you?"
Her mother replied, "Only when you have a little girl of your own, and
you are tucking her in at night, will you know how much I love
you."
I'm not certain where I first heard this story, but it has become one of
my favorites. The boundless nature of human love is definable only when you have
a child.
Before we had children, I’m sure we all heard the cliché: becoming a
mother will change your life more than you ever thought possible. And only after
we have children can we truly understand the truth of the
statement.
Children open our hearts. I heard a quote recently that likened having
children to growing a new heart and allowing it to walk along on its own. To go
to kindergarten, to fall in love, to experience the thrill of leaving home for
the first time. All the while making our own heart completely vulnerable to
entities and forces we never even experience firsthand.
When we have children, our perspective broadens. No longer do we look at
the world in terms of our own lives and well-being, but of that of another. With
this in mind, it might be easier to understand the frame of reference from which
our parents view us.
How do our relationships with our mothers change once we have children
of our own?
Most of us report a growing understanding. A greater sense
of respect. More empathy for our parents. The classic words ring true: “If I had
known what it meant to be a parent, I would never have put my parents through
the things I did.”
This renewed and broadened understanding extends to a more complete
conception of what it means to be a woman. Of femininity and of the full circle
of identity that binds generations of women together.
When we become parents, our own mothers take on a renewed role in the
family structure, as well. They become the stabilizers, working to weave the
threads of a family together.
Grandmothers are always there to lend an ear. And some things don’t
change: At my grandmother’s house, there were always homemade sugar cookies and
ice cold Pepsis. At my daughter’s grandmother’s house, there is homemade caramel
corn and ice cold Cokes.
Children tend to bring out the best in our own parents, as well. Some
grandparents act like kids again, playing peek-a-boo, making dolls, coloring in
coloring books alongside the children. When a new baby comes into a household,
we spend a lot of time reminiscing about our own days of youth...and new
grandparents reflect fondly on the first days of their own
children.
Our parents get a special thrill from watching their grandchildren grow
up...and think of the thrill it must be for them to see their own children
nurturing another child. Imagine the flattery of seeing parenting styles that
reflect their own.
Let us be grateful to the mothers of the world. The mothers who have
raised us, loved us, and taught us what it means to be mothers
ourselves.
Susie
Michelle Cortright is the author of More Energy for Moms
and the founder of Momscape.com,
a website devoted to helping moms find peace of mind. She is a writer and
full-time mom whose passion is helping women celebrate and embrace their role as
mothers, while helping them get in touch with the best resources for
stress-relief.
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