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YOUR
FAMILY-- HEALTHY OR SUPERCHARGED??
by Jeffrey Murrah
The
tragedies of Littleton and Georgia have forced parents to reevaluate their
thinking. Exactly what is a healthy family? Contemporary American culture
idealizes the 'supercharged' family. This family, like the Energizer bunny,
goes, and goes, and goes.... The recent school tragedies have upset cultural
ideas about such a family. This supercharged family has met reality head-on. It
is not a stable family; it is not a healthy family.
The first step toward
emotionally healthy families is seceding from the mindless materialism and
vulgarity of contemporary American society. Once this step is underway, parents
can focus on changing their family. Change begins with family members talking to
each other, and spending time together.
The second step is realizing that
having an emotionally healthy family is a process. This occurs gradually and is
something the family members must work to achieve and maintain. Family health,
like physical health, can deteriorate. Healthy functioning requires much effort,
yet becomes a rewarding way of life.
Following are some characteristics
of healthy families. These characteristics are achievable through effort by both
parents and children. They are achieved a little at a time, yet are well worth
the effort.
Members of healthy families share their feelings with each
other in a non-threatening manner. Anger is expressed without attacking the
offending party. Criticism is not perceived as a personal attack. Problems are
worked through, rather than avoided or turned into opportunities for the family
to fragment.
Family members give trust and acceptance. They are
accountable to each other and the moral code of their beliefs. Healthy families
worship and share spiritual growth together. This is a family held together by
bonds of loyalty, love and tradition, rather than force, guilt and
fear.
Rules and expectations are clear and consistent. Communication is
open and direct, rather than filled with hidden loyalties and secrets. Change is
tolerated, and family members are willing to live with the unchangeable. Since
they are secure in their identity, people and ideas that are different are not
seen as threats.
Growth and achievements are celebrated within healthy
families. Such events are not viewed as threatening, but as successes shared
among the members. Events such as birthdays and holidays are enjoyed rather than
dreaded.
Parents make themselves available to their children. Even in
their availability, the parents remain in the parental role and do not attempt
to become the child's 'best friend.'
The family often serves as a shock
absorber to changes in society. An emotionally healthy family will provide a
smoother ride for its members and the community. Striving to become a healthy
family is an investment of time and effort whose return exceeds that of the
stock exchange. Families, like any endeavor, provide rewards commensurate to the
time and effort spent in maintenance.
About the
Author:
(c) 1999 Jeffrey D. Murrah, LPC For more information,
you
may email Jeff at jeff@restorethefamily.com, or visit his
website at
http://www.restorethefamily.com
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